Wednesday, November 23, 2005

The Psychiatrist’s Guide to Islamophobia ...

DISCLAIMER: While the following passage is meant to be a source of information, no claim can be made as to its being up-to-date and entirely correct. Reader discretion is advised. The author of this blog is not responsible for any exacerbation of symptoms that may arise as a result of reading this posting.

Overview and Epidemiology: Islamophobia is a syndrome caused by infection with a virus called the Human Islamophobia Virus (HIV, not to be confused with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, the causative agent of AIDS). Though the syndrome has been officially recognized for the past fourteen centuries, it is thought to have existed since pre-historic times. The first documented case of Islamophobia was a patient named Abu Lahab who lived in the Arabian city of Makkah circa 1400 years ago. The syndrome soon spread into an endemic in the aforementioned city, but it became pandemic and has now assumed the proportions of a worldwide epidemic.

Symptoms and Signs: The patient may present to the clinic on his own with a neurotic phobia of Islam, but more often than not he is brought to the clinic in a state of psychosis with manifest paranoid persecutory delusions often associated with delusions of grandeur. The patient may give a history of hypnopompic hallucinations involving visions of horses and swords. The symptoms start in early adolescence and last for a lifetime (see Treatment below). Physical examination reveals a high level of distress, irritable mood, and pathetic affect. Cognition is severely impaired; and speech is circumlocutory and filled with hate. Personality tests are noncontributory.

Treatment: The neurotic form of the syndrome can be cured with exposure therapy. Gradual increasing doses of Islam can lead to tolerance with excellent results. In such cases, therapy with antiviral treatment is not indicated and may even be counterproductive due to the occurrence of side-effects. In contrast with the neurotic form of the syndrome, the psychotic form has evaded cure so far. In the patient who suffers from the psychotic form of the syndrome, the virus is known to treacherously mutate itself when challenged with standard antiviral medication. The microbe has developed several specific types and strains, and it is thought that prevention is the best cure for this evasive virus. In this connection, trials are underway for a promising new vaccine at the Wahabbi Research Laboratories (WRL, also known as What-the-hell Research Laboratories). The new vaccine, called HBV (Hate Bush Vaccine, not to be confused with hepatitis B virus), has successfully passed the rodent stage and is now all set for trial on human subjects.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

What Makes a Muslim Tick? ...

Have you ever seen a Muslim crying in the middle of the night, beseeching his Lord for forgiveness? Have you ever noticed how some Muslim scholars have written such works of incredible depth and analysis that defy the imagination of the intellect? Have you ever heard of the sufi who remains immersed in dhikr (remembrance) for hours on end? Have you ever heard of the mujahid (warrior) who is ready to sacrifice his most valued possession - his life - without even the slightest hint of hesitation?

Now, I know that one will find similar qualities across different religions and peoples, but to find all these qualities in the same religion, and sometimes in the same individual, is a unique phenomenon. So, what makes a Muslim tick? They say that money makes the mare go. But what makes the Muslim go? Surely not money! For if it were money that made the Muslim "go", then your Saudi Sheikhs would have been some of the greatest people on Earth. Anywayz, I will pose this question to my readers, and let's see what the verdict is ...

Monday, November 14, 2005

USA: THE Terrorist of the World ...

This is in response to a comment I received at my previous post titled, "Terrorists, Terrorism, and Terror". The commenter objected to my calling America as "the" terrorist of the World. Now I am not a Bush-hating, Usama-loving fanatic, but I believe what I said was true. A mere list of U.S. military interventions in various countries should be more than enough to prove my point. The following list of U.S. military interventions has been extracted from the book, "Rogue State: A Guide to the World's Only Superpower", by William Blum, which I would highly recommend to those who are interested in knowing the other, uglier side of the coin.

A List of US Military Interventions in Various Countries

  • China, 1945-51
  • France 1947
  • Marshall Islands, 1946-58
  • Italy, 1947-70s
  • Greece, 1947-49
  • Phillipines, 1945-53
  • Korea, 1945-53
  • Albania, 1949-53
  • Eastern Europe, 1948-56
  • Germany, 1950s
  • Guatemala, 1953-90
  • Costa Rica, mid-1950's, 1970-71
  • Haiti, 1959
  • Western Europe, 1950s-60s
  • British Guiana/Guyana, 1953-64
  • Soviet Union, 1940s-60s
  • Vietnam, 1945-73
  • Cambodia, 1955-73
  • Laos, 1957-73
  • Thailand, 1965-73
  • Ecuador, 1960-63
  • The Congo/Zaire, 1960-65, 1977-78
  • France/Algeria, 1960s
  • Brazil, 1961-64
  • Peru, 1965
  • Dominican Republic, 1963-65
  • Cuba, 1959 to present
  • Ghana, 1966
  • Uruguay, 1969-72
  • Chile, 1964-73
  • Greece, 1967-74
  • South Africa, 1960s-80s
  • Bolivia, 1964-75
  • Australia, 1972-75
  • Portugal, 1974-76
  • East Timor, 1975-99
  • South Korea, 1980
  • Fiji, 1987
  • Bulgaria, 1990-91
  • Albania, 1991-92
  • Philippines, 1950s
  • Italy, 1948-70s
  • Lebanon, 1950s
  • Vietnam, 1955
  • British Guiana/Guyana, 1953-64
  • Japan, 1958-1970s
  • Nepal, 1959
  • Laos, 1960
  • Brazil, 1962
  • Dominican Republic, 1962
  • Guatemala, 1963
  • Bolivia, 1966
  • Chile, 1964-1970
  • Portugal, 1974-5
  • Australia, 1974-75
  • Jamaica, 1976
  • Panama, 1984, 1989
  • Nicaragua, 1984, 1990
  • Haiti, 1987-88
  • Bulgaria, 1990-91 & Albania, 1991-92
  • Russian, 1996
  • Mongolia, 1996
  • Bosnia, 1998

U.S. Interventions in the Muslim World

  • Iran, 1953
  • Middle East, 1956-58
  • Indonesia, 1957-58
  • Iraq, 1958-63
  • Indonesia, 1965
  • Iraq, 1972-75
  • South Yemen, 1979-84
  • Libya, 1981-89
  • Afghanistan, 1979-92
  • Somalia, 1993
  • Iraq, 1990s
  • Indonesia, 1955

Thursday, November 10, 2005

51 Ways to Know That Your Spirituality is Decadent ...

You know that your spirituality is decadent when:
  1. you think that Islam is some Arabic religion
  2. you want your wife to wear the hijab and/or niqab, but you can't help watching that sexy girl on television
  3. you don't want to know that a time will come when you will be very ugly indeed
  4. you think that tasteful nudity is not vulgar
  5. you don't want God to reveal Himself to a man who thrives in a desert and lives in a mud house
  6. you think that God has lost His case because someone in Guantanamo Bay blasphemed the Qur'an
  7. you think that Islam is a great religion, but you don't want Muhammad (peace be upon him) to be your master
  8. you think that Islam needs modification to suit modernity
  9. you feel that God is wonderful when something happy happens to you, but you feel that God is not-so-wonderful when something unhappy happens to you
  10. you want to own a better car than your colleague's
  11. you have a very good excuse for not praying when the time for prayer comes
  12. you think that religion is the antithesis of science
  13. you don't want to know that your beautiful body converts your good-smelling food into bad-smelling shit
  14. you think that science is the antithesis of religion
  15. you are ok with your wife not wearing hijab, but you complain about the nudity on television
  16. you consistently fail to shed tears in remembrance of God
  17. you think that God is currently on the losing side because apparently there is more evil than good in the world today
  18. you do not shave your armpits and pubic hair regularly
  19. you think that you can deliver a scholarly discourse now that you have access to a searchable online index of the Qur'an and/or Hadith
  20. you think that since your parents christened you when you were born, you would like to die as a Christian
  21. you think that it is ok for you to cheat on your spouse because you know that he (or she) has also cheated on you
  22. you think that Islam is some third-world religion
  23. you are not comfortable with the idea of some people being doomed to Hellfire, because God "isn't cruel"
  24. you think that a woman should have the right to expose her body completely, but should not have the right to cover her body completely
  25. you are not often lost in thoughts about the Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
  26. you turn to spirituality when you feel physically ugly
  27. you think that shirk is an Islamic invention
  28. you say the word f*** at least ten times in a day
  29. you think that you will go to Heaven because you have never even as much as violated a traffic signal
  30. you think that your good deeds will take you to Heaven
  31. you think you can bring a revolution in your country, but you consistently fail to bring a revolution in your own self
  32. you think that tasawwuf (sufism) is a heresy
  33. you think that Islam has encouraged polygamy
  34. you want to look at beautiful women because the Hadith says that "God is beautiful and He loves beauty"
  35. you want to be the most famous person in the world
  36. you think that shirk only means believing in more than one God
  37. you think that homosexual marriages should be allowed since it is somebody's own private business
  38. you think that it is ok for a woman to lead men in congregational prayer
  39. you think that Islam is an ancient religion
  40. you are not a practising Muslim because the Qur'an says, "There is no compulsion in religion"
  41. you think that Muslims worship an idol named Ka'bah
  42. you don't want to know that you are the product of a filthy liquid
  43. you fail to see what is so damn sinful about drinking alcohol
  44. you know five reasons why the chicken crossed the road, but you are still trying to figure out why God created Man
  45. you want to look sexy because it makes you feel good about your body
  46. you want to own a better car than your neighbour's
  47. you think that all men are equal
  48. you tell your kid to say to the man on the line that you are not at home
  49. you have been disrespectful to a Muslim scholar at some point in your life
  50. you think that since sex is a natural desire, it is ok for you (though you aren't married)
  51. you don't want to apologize to that man because it makes you feel that you are inferior to him

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Eid Mubarak ...

Eid Mubarak to all of you out there who happen to stumble upon my weblog. Just remember the following things while you celebrate Eid:

1. Eid should NOT be the harbinger of an eleven-month period of forgetfulness.

2. There are people who deserve the same happiness in Eid as you, but are not as gifted as you. So DO make sure that they are as happy as you on Eid day.

Have fun.